


Please give me a minute

by Ofsucculents_andstars



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012, Angst, Break Up, M/M, Non AU, Pining, Slight Smut, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 15:03:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13684086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ofsucculents_andstars/pseuds/Ofsucculents_andstars
Summary: Dan and Phil’s relationship has been decimated by their rise into the public eye. They decide to break up after spending a final Valentine’s Day together. But can they find a way to pick up the pieces before their time is up?





	Please give me a minute

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to my beta/friend Veronica for the writing and emotional support.

 

 

“Jesus, Phil! Where the hell did you get that from? Jus-”

“Because you said it yourself!” Phil yelled back.

“I swear, you’re just looking for excuses to get into fights with me. It’s like you lik-”

“I don’t fucking like fighting with you, you idiot. I love you!”

Phil’s hoarse words echoed through their living room and the only other sound was the police music on the tv.

Hot tears were running down both of their red cheeks.

Compared to the last few months, today had been a good day for them. They had even slept together the previous night instead of crying themselves to sleep on opposite sides of a wall. But it always seemed to come back to fighting with each other. Every. Single. Time.

They stared into each other’s red eyes for what felt like an eternity until the background noise of the tv became too much of an interruption for their moment and Dan quickly reached for the remote and shut it off.

“I’m sorry,” Phil apologized.

“I’m sorry. I was the one to yell first.” Dan replied.

They were now both looking down at nothing in particular.

“Why do we always fight so much? I don’t understand what happened between us.”

The question that both of them had been pondering silently for months had now finally been released out of Dan’s lips. They both looked up at each other again.

“We were fine,” Phil stated, taking a breath before continuing.

“Fine back in the first year. It was just us. No pressure, no fear. Now there are thousands of people who want an input in our relationship.”

Dan took a shaky breath in, deeply considering all the words. They all seemed to make sense.

He allowed himself to lean back into Phil where he had previously been before the fight broke out. This time they completely wrapped their arms around each other.

Phil brushed Dan’s fringe with his fingers as Dan looked up into his somber gaze.

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” Dan sighed, picking at a loose string on the couch.

“Do you ever think it would be easier if we were just friends?”

Despite the fact the words had come out of Phil’s mouth, the thought had been both of theirs.

Dan considered the question.

“I mean, I’ve thought- not much, but occasionally on it.”

“What if we were?” Phil asked.

“What?”

“Just friends.”

Some of the tension had left the room, now replaced with tentative curiosity.

“I- I don’t know…like if we broke up?” Dan asked.

“I was thinking more like a break but- I guess if we end up never wanting back then.. yeah.” Phil looked down, unsure of the reaction that his suggestion would bring.

The room somehow got even quieter in that moment. It got quieter and quieter till Dan spoke up once again.

“I don’t like the way things are… but I’m not really sure…”

“We could still cuddle and kiss and have sex. Just without emotions. No strings attached.”

Dan frowned. They both knew deep down that couldn’t happen. They were too romantic.

“I- I don’t know..”

Phil eyed the remote on the couch’s arm.

“Should I turn it back on?”

Turning it back on would provide a shortcut back to the world where this conversation had never existed.

“No… no… I think it might be a good idea… like you said just for a little while…,” Dan replied.

“Yeah…”

Phil shifted slightly then echoed himself.

“Yeah.……oh shit,” he said suddenly.

“What?”

There was a pause.

“You’re gonna think it’s stupid,” Phil mumbled.

“Try me,” Dan replied.

“Valentine’s day… it’s in less than a week.”

“Oh….”

They couldn’t do that, after all, they had done for and with each other around that holiday. The holiday just meant too much to them.

“That would be hard…” Phil mumbled.

The silence returned as they sat in thought.

“What if that was the official end date?” Dan suggested.

“So on Valentine’s day, we break up?”

“Yes- well, the day after will be when it’s official. Valentine’s Day we can spend like the rest of them.”

“Okay.”

Dan was quiet. Phil was quiet. It remained that way for a while until Dan finally gained the courage to speak something; anything.

“…..Phil?”

“Yes?”

“You said that we’ll still be best friends… right?”

Phil leaned down and almost pressed a chaste kiss in between Dan’s slowly curling strands of hair, but he stopped himself. They had to practice restraint.

“Of course.”

“You’re my best friend?”

“Yes. Forever.”

“Then as my best friend, can you let me cry into your shoulder because my- “ Dan’s voice began to break, “My boyfriend broke up with me.”

Phil nodded, beginnings of tears shining in his own eyes, and pulled Dan up so his head was resting on Phil’s chest near the shoulder.

“Of course.”

———————

A soft buzz crescendoed Dan from his unconsciousness. It was a few seconds before his sleep riddled head could identify its source and purpose. Yet it was far from the first thought that broke through his mind.

Today was February 14th.

Valentine’s Day.

His last day being romantically involved with Phil Lester.

Dan sighed slightly and shifted himself around. He didn’t want to think too much about today, but the thoughts were already rapidly crawling into his mind. They wouldn’t go away no matter how much he tried, so he just stared at the ceiling and grimaced.

Phil must’ve already been awake. When Dan turned over, Phil’s body turned to face him. Dan momentarily had to re-adjust himself to the concept of another person in the bed with him, as he and Phil hadn’t regularly slept together in a while. Their conversation began with no difference to the majority of their morning greetings of the past few months.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Lovely chat.

The bright morning sunlight that was streaming in through the windows felt inappropriate. Maybe other couples across Manchester would appreciate its warmth, but Dan most certainly did not. Today was the grim end of something once beautiful.

They took a moment just to lay there and look at each other before they left the bed to go into the unknown of the day. Dan inhaled deeply and let out a sigh. The sheets smelled good because Phil had washed them with fancy soap yesterday. Their eyes shifted over each other’s bodies, avoiding eye contact.

Phil said it first.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Dan cringed inside, but replied,

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

He wasn’t sure if he was upset with Phil for saying it or thankful that he got it over with.

Every memory of them saying or texting that to each other in the past flooded their minds. Dan had never wanted to do the whole Valentines thing at first, but Phil had changed his mind on that the very first year- and ever since then the holiday had become their own version of it. Not the one with gifts and greeting cards, but instead playing video games, making each other food, making love, and putting aside all work till later.

Dan could feel the memories shoving their way in, and he could see by the look in Phil’s eyes they were coming into him too. Phil pushed back the covers and began to walk out of the room without saying a word to Dan. Dan didn’t know if he was supposed to follow or not, but he did. Following at a far distance, he trailed behind Phil through the halls.

Phil, despite his appearance online, could be very quiet and great at hiding his true emotions. Dan’s tended to spill out of him without his intent, but Phil held his locked his away like money in a safe. Even though Dan had been slowly starting to learn the codex to the way Phil Lester’s mind works- as they grew distant, years of Phil holding him close were discarded in place of walls built up over months of fights. Was he annoyed, sad, anxious? A mix of them? Dan couldn’t tell.

Dan decided to offer to get them both breakfast while Phil got the anime ready. Phil agreed, it was a good system.

After getting out one bowl, Dan almost found himself shutting the cupboard. He had gotten used to getting one mug and bowl. Going back in the cupboard and correcting himself, he grabbed another bowl and mug and set them on the counter right next to his own. For some strange reason, he found himself oddly content with the other mug and bowl accompanying his own.

The smile lasted on his face till he got the Shreddies and found that they were practically down the to crumbs. He swore it wasn’t that way yesterday. His head turned to the figure sitting on the couch, who was unaware that his ploy had been discovered.

“Philll” Dan called.

“What?” He replied without looking up.

“How come almost all the cereal is gone?”

There was a slight pause.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Phil replied.

The urge to pick a fight bit at Dan, but he held back. Cereal wasn’t too expensive, they would buy more tomorrow.

“Don’t do it again you spork!” was all he replied.

Once Dan had finished making their cereal and coffee, he carefully carried them from the breakfast bar to the couch.

“Thanks, Danny boy,” Phil smiled up at him but Dan flashed him a glare and the smile went away.

Watching anime was fine. It was a good episode, but not the best watching experience. They ate quietly and didn’t say much to each other other than brief comments about the anime.

After it was over, Phil offered to take care of the dishes, which Dan thanked him for. Dan then commented that he had some emails to reply to anyway, which caused Phil to say he remembered he had a video to edit.

They retreated to their own areas just like any other day.  Though it wasn’t always the same, it was always separate.

Though it’d become a norm for them, Dan felt himself being disappointed

He thought back to 09 when every spare minute they spent skyping and every spare day they spent visiting each other irl. And despite being introverted they loved it. Now they go through a normal day hardly talking. Even on their last day as a couple. Would they even miss each other?

As Dan started to sift through his emails, he wondered once again what was going on in Phil’s head.

Not even just Phil’s head, but what was going on in his own head?

The past, the present, the future?

All of them? None at all?

His mind danced between them all and the work he did in the meantime seemed somewhat meaningless.

The thoughts went on for hours but never seemed to settle, as it seemed as if he was waiting for something… someone, the settle them. But they never came. So he just tried pointlessly to work on his emails.

At one point, he began to hear the faint sound of Phil’s voice coming from Phil’s room.

Dan’s mind immediately went to attempt to listen to what Phil was saying, but then to his surprise, he heard his own voice as well. Phil was watching old videos.

Must be some of the raw cuts that were not on youtube, because the silences were too long and the giggling too frequent.

Dan felt an aching in his heart for those times. Those days that had seemed to fly by with smiles on both of their faces. Now gone.

He wondered if what they were doing would ever bring them back.

Without the obligation to love each other on that level and the restrictions to keep them from constantly being together, would they find that peace again? He hoped so because he didn’t want to leave Phil.

More giggling came from Phil’s room followed by two voices-

‘I love you, Dan’

‘ I love you, Phil’

-

Eventually, Phil’s stomach brought him out of his cave and they had to think about their lunch. Dan thought his eyes might’ve looked a bit red but he wouldn’t bring it up.

They ended up deciding on leftover chinese from last night.

As it spun around in the microwave, they asked each other the obligated questions

“Did you get through your emails?” Phil asked.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, most of them. How’d your video go?”

“Fine. Didn’t film anything today but got lots planned out and some editing done.”

“Great.”

The silence returned as they waited for the microwave to beep

Dan looked at Phil twiddling his fingers and remembered the lust he used to feel every time he looked at Phil and suddenly felt a bit of it again. But it was a sad lust.

Dan saw Phil’s head turn to him in his peripheral vision. Phil must’ve noticed Dan watching. He was nervous to look up, but he couldn’t resist the suspense. His eyes traveled from Phil’s now still hands and up to his eyes and got lost deep within them. Dan’s pupils widened without him really realizing and Phil’s did the same. He felt his heart rate pick up and the room jump up several degrees.

The microwave beeped.

“I’ll get that.” The words jumped out of Phil’s mouth almost as fast as he jumped off of the couch to get it. Dan’s heart sank a little in disappointment.

He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of Phil taking their food out and dishing it onto separate plates. Dan sighed quietly. Today was reminding him of how much he really appreciated Phil, and he was feeling slightly guilty for how long they had allowed their relationship to go on the way it had been

When he heard Phil’s footsteps heading to their dining table, Dan forced himself to leave the comfort of the couch to join his partner. The way Phil’s eyes followed dan to the table made him uncomfortable. It wasn’t necessarily a bad look but it was still uncomfortable. He shifted his eyes down so not to make eye contact with Phil because it hurt too much to look into his eyes. Once he pulled out a chair and sat down, Phil picked up his fork and they both began to eat in an awkward silence. Dan hated the awkward feeling, they were supposed to have overcome that by now and be making out on the breakfast bar or something. Was Phil even taking today as their last day, or as more of a transition to their first day apart? Was he really this eager to break up? Had he been planning this for a while? Then why had Dan always felt Valentine’s day had meant so-

“Do you have anything specific you wanted to do today?” Phil asked suddenly.

Dan had just plopped a huge piece of kung pao chicken into his mouth so he held up a finger to signify he was still chewing. Silently, he was grateful that his full mouth had given him a few extra seconds to ponder the unexpected question. He swallowed the chicken piece and made eye contact with Phil.

“Well, um. I don’t know, I was thinking we could just kinda do whatever. Maybe watch a movie or play something or like cook something.” He could feel himself rambling in panic.He bounced the ball of conversation into Phil’s side of the court.

“I don’t- I don’t know. What were you thinking of?”

One of those iconic Phil Lester smirks crept onto Phil’s face and Dan suddenly felt scared. But Phil forced his face into a neutral expression and it was gone before Dan could make anything out of it.

“Well,” he began, “It is Valentine’s Day. I know it’s just a holiday meant for the businesses to monetize love, but maybe we should let the business gods have what they want.” He smiled up at Dan and Dan rolled his eyes, but a slight smirk accompanied the action.

Phil went on,

“I may or may not have something for you, but if you don’t want it it’s fine..”

Dan’s stomach dropped. He hadn’t gotten Phil anything.

“I-I didn’t get you-”

“Shhh, it’s all okay, now hold on a second and lemme get it.”

Phil rapidly stood up and ran down the hall. Dan grinned at how cute Phil was when he was passionate about something. Phil hadn’t let Dan see him like that in so long..

“Should I close my eyes?” Dan shouted.

“If you want to!” Phil shouted back.

Dan let his eyes flutter shut and waited patiently.

He heard Phil’s footsteps come back.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

Dan opened his eyes to see Phil standing there staring almost lovingly at Dan. A bouquet of roses in one hand and a box of Malteasers in another and a slight smile on his face. He kinda looked like a man in a romance movie begging a girl to take him back.

“Phil…” Dan was lost for words.

Phil walked the rest of the distance over to Dan, still looking down. He carefully handed Dan the flowers and candy box.

“Thank you,” Dan said softly.

“Happy Valentines Day,” Phil replied with an even softer voice.

Dan could feel his heartbeat in every part of his body and he suddenly noticed how close their faces were. He felt the urge to do something and he could see it in Phil too as he unconsciously leaned in closer.

“Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I might actually have a present for you too.”

Oh God, he was actually doing this..

“Is that so?”

“Mm-hm. But you’re going to close your eyes.”

Phil did as Dan requested, and closed his eyes.

Every last chance to back out of this was thrown out the window as Dan let his eyelid drift close and he leaned into Phil….

They both flinched ever so slightly with the kiss but it was only for a moment before they melted into it completely. Months of never truly apologizing all came out into the kiss and they forgave each other over and over and over again with each touch of the lips. Dan felt himself falling as deeply in love with Phil as they had with their first kiss and Dan had to stop himself from moaning.

They eventually broke the kiss and opened their eyes to stare directly into each others.

Dan didn’t know what to say and Phil didn’t seem to either. They hadn’t kissed like that in a long time.

“Wow,” said Phil.

Dan smiled and broke the eye contact. But the smile started to dissolve when he remembered how weird this was. A new instinct was telling him not to kiss Phil, to stay away from Phil.

Phil must’ve noticed his change in expression, and he too backed up slightly.

Dan had to change the subject.

“So.. you up for a movie?”

Dan felt bad for the wave of sorrow that seemed to cloud Phil’s gaze.

“Yeah..” Phil said, seemingly lost in thought.

“I think you should pick.”

“No, it was your idea.”

“Cmon I want you to surprise me.”

Phil rolled his eyes and huffed.

“Ok, you can pick the genre and I’ll pick the movie.”

Phil stood up and began to walk over to get his dishes.

“Fair enough,” he commented.

He put his dish in the sink, which Dan copied before stating,

“Romance.”

Dan raised an eyebrow.

“Do you have anything in mind?” Phil asked.

“Perhaps,” Dan replied.

While Phil went to lay down on the couch, Dan got the movie ready. It didn’t completely fit the Romance genre, but Dan felt it was a good choice.

“Close your eyes again!” Dan instructed.

Phil smiled and closed his eyes.

“Okay, they’re closed.”

Dan put the disc into the player then slid his body into Phil’s behind him. Phil’s arm went around him and he felt in place. He sighed contently before hitting play.

The text ‘The Princess Bride’ appeared on their tv screen.

Dan looked up at Phil, who now had his eyes open.

“Is this ok?”

“Its perfect,” Phil replied,

“I love this movie.”

Phil began to lean in but stopped himself.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Dan breathed.

And their lips met again, but when Dan pulled away this time, the regret hardly seemed to be there at all.

They were both watching the movie at first, but as time went on, and some of the scenes got heated, they found themselves getting increasingly touchy and making out for longer and longer.

By the end, Dan was laying on top of Phil, straddling him with his arms and legs while making out. Phil’s hand was under Dan’s shirt and caressing his back as he kissed him back passionately.

Dan hardly even noticed that his hips were sliding up and down into Phil till Phil began to respond to it. The rational part of him asked him to stop, but Dan just went harder and faster, which caused Phil to follow his lead.

It was a while before they both noticed they hadn’t heard any voices on the tv for a while and the end credits were playing. They broke apart; faces red and panting for air.

“Wow it’s over,” Dan commented

Phil laughed a bit.

“Oops.”

They both began to laugh and Dan let his head drop into Phil’s chest.

“So now what?” Dan said.

Phil patted Dan’s butt.

“Get up, I have an idea.”

Curious to what Phil was planning, Dan quickly got up and Phil reached for his phone and started to do something with it.

Dan was suspicious of what Phil had planned. He had a huge grin on his face and was occasionally looking up to make sure that Dan was still entranced with his actions.

Dan jumped and almost screamed when a loud pop remix filled the room.

Phil began to bop his head in time to the music and lift his arms over his head and Dan was giggling uncontrollably.

This was so out of character for him yet he seemed so happy.

The music started to pick up and Phil threw his head back in laughter as his dancing got more dramatic. He looked completely ridiculous.

“Dance with me!”

Dan laughed. “No, I think I’ll just spectate.”

Phil spun around and around- spotting Dan each time almost like he hadn’t heard Dan’s answer.

“Cmon, bear!”

Dan tensed up and stared at Phil in shock. He hadn’t heard that nickname in so long.. the surprise made him forget why he was saying no.

“Um ok..”

And before he knew it, Dan was dancing terribly there in their tiny living room with Phil. He would feel embarrassed if Phil’s dancing wasn’t already embarrassing enough.

The music had all the familiar songs, but it seemed to go so fast that Dan couldn’t hear any of the words. He couldn’t hear anything- he just felt the beat pulsing through his body as he danced to it.

They would spin each other around and laugh madly, having a great time and forgetting how out of breath they were.

Dan had always found dancing so awkward, but this just felt like freedom.

It ended and once again they were smiling at each other and panting. Phil’s eyes seemed to sparkle with excitement and if Dan could see his own he would probably make the same comment. He felt like he was falling in love all over again but at six times the speed. Dan was so deep in emotion, he didn’t think to consider that Phil might have another song to play next, which he did. A familiar melody of soft piano notes filled the room. Interrupted by Fireworks.

The entire mood changed and Dan felt his body tense up instantly with all the memories. Good memories, but with a filter of pain.

Should they change it?

But Phil took a deep breath and held out his hand: an offer to dance. And not dance like they just had, but slow, romantic dancing.

Dan took the offer and wrapped his arms around Phil and they began to sway back and forth gently. Their bodies were pressed really close together and they could feel each other’s warmth as they went back and forth slowly. It wasn’t any more of good dancing than their first try- but they had a real emotional connection.

Dan leaned his head onto Phil’s shoulder and began to think of old memories. Phil’s lips gently met his head in response. Dan supposed he was thinking the same thoughts as he was.

“Remember when I first kissed you?” Dan asked suddenly.

Phil’s head shifted slightly.

“I was so scared and I could tell you were too, but it ended up being amazing,” Dan continued.

“Yeah, I don’t think that i could ever forget that,” Phil replied.

There were a few moments of just the music playing before Phil spoke once again.

“Remember when you called me up and said that you were moving to Manchester? I was so excited because we could see other all the time-”

“Which we did,” Dan interjected.

“Yes. Those late nights weren’t good for those early classes though.”

Dan laughed softly.

And it became a game of ‘remember when?’ as they delved deeper and deeper into the beautiful first years of their relationship. Two kids, one still a teen and one barely out of uni, who found a love that was so pure. A love just for them before they got really famous on Youtube.

When the song ended, Phil quickly reached over and paused his phone to let the silence linger. And linger it did.

Phil said it first.

“I love you, Dan.”

Dan breathed in heavily. He had said it. He had said it again. And Dan knew there was only one way he wished to respond.

“I love you, Phil.”

The words felt foreign on his tongue. Not ‘I hate living with you’ not ‘leave me the fuck alone’ or anything else that seemed to be a common phrase through the last few months. Finally, all those ugly words were gone. Dan’s faced scrunched up in emotion and Phil pulled him into a tight hug.

A few stray tears fell from Dan’s eyes. How had they gone so long without saying that to each other? He didn’t want to let go of Phil. He didn’t want Phil to be anyone but his and only his. He didn’t want Phil to swear the way he did while playing Mario Kart with anyone else. He didn’t want Phil to cuddle and watch movies with anyone else. He didn’t want Phil to get intimate with anyone else. Sure, it was selfish- but love was pretty selfish. And Dan didn’t mind because Phil was his.

Phil pulled himself away slightly and cupped Dan’s face in his hands, his eyes shining with tears.

“Kiss me,” he said desperately.

Dan didn’t have to be told twice.

He threw his arms around Phil’s neck and they began to kiss like it was their last one ever.

The few previous times in the day they had made out caused this time to feel less weird and awkward. This felt meant to be. It went on for a few minutes and their hands had already circumnavigated each other’s bodies several times. They began to sway with the urge to do more and Dan started to shift them towards the couch. But then, to Dan’s surprise, Phil abruptly broke off the kiss.

“No.”

Dan looked at him, confused. Was he having regrets?

“Let’s go to the bedroom,” Phil finished in between heavy breaths.

Dan tilted his head slightly and eyed him curiously. The bedroom implied sex. Phil actually wanted that today?

“You- you’re sure?” Dan asked.

Phil nodded- looking like he might cry from sheer emotion again.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to-“

But Dan quickly nodded rapidly before Phil could even finish. He sniffled slightly.

“Yes, yes, yes. I really want to.”

With that, Phil slid his fingers in between Dan’s and they laced hands. It made Dan’s heart ache so much. Like letting go would shatter his world into a thousand pieces, so he held on tightly as they walked to the bedroom.

Phil went in first then Dan carefully closed the door behind them. It was more symbolic than any other reason because he was fully aware there was no one else in their flat, but he liked to think that this moment was completely private and invisible to the world’s peering eyes. As Dan was shutting the door, he heard the familiar sound of a lighter click behind him as Phil lighted a few candles. Dan found it ironic that the first time they were having sex by candlelight was after months of fighting and distrust and not one of their first times. He didn’t remember why they never had before, perhaps they were scared that their clumsiness would somehow catch the room on fire.

Once the door shut, and the small sound resonated throughout the bedroom, Dan turned to Phil, and they resumed their slow kiss. Phil’s hand slid under Dan’s shirt and began to pull it slowly over his head. When it was off, Dan did the same to Phil and they started to move towards the bed. Phil crouched right in front of Dan and unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down his legs in a painfully slow way. Dan let himself moan loudly, startling himself with how loud it was despite being natural. But he didn’t dwell on it well deserved after the long long wait. He couldn’t remember the last time Phil had made him hard without touching him.

As Dan pulled Phil’s jeans down, he noticed that Phil was also hard. His heartbeat picked up at the thought of how perfect this was turning out. After Phil stepped out of his jeans, Dan leaned forward and started to suck the inside of Phil’s thigh. The surprise caused Phil to gasp and almost stumble backward and he had to reach out a hand to place on Dan’s back to steady himself. Hickies seemed to be a theme of their sex life, especially ones that could easily hide beneath clothes.

Dan then kissed his way to the top of Phil’s boxer waistband and after a bad attempt to pull them down with his teeth, Dan pulled the final layer off of Phil. He kissed his way slowly up Phil’s body till he reached his lips and their lips met passionately once again. Phil pulled Dan’s boxers off while they kissed so that they were both completely naked. As Dan started to grind into Phil, Phil moved them both over to the bed. They broke apart briefly to lay down.

Phil began to suck and gently bite on Dan’s neck, causing him to moan. He lingered there for awhile, as Dan’s neck was especially sensitive, but Dan soon got impatient and shifted uncomfortably, signaling Phil to move on. Though as he went down Dan’s body, Phil made sure to take his time to allow the tension to build- which it did. Dan began to get so desperate he was grinding up into nothing. His fingers were curling between Phil’s locks of hair the entire time. When Phil finally had his face level with Dan’s once again, Dan cupped his face and pulled him into another deep kiss. Any doubt in his mind was now a wisp a million miles away. He completely wanted Phil for all and everything that he was and he never wanted anything or anyone different. He was ready.

“I love you,” Dan whispered.

“I love you too,” Phil whispered back.

Dan had never cried during sex before or had the person he was having sex with cry. But when they had both came and they were still clinging tightly to each other, the emotion of it all hit them both and their eyes began to fog. They turned over to their sides and Phil pulled himself out of Dan. Neither of them had to ask, they both just immediately threw their arms around each other in a dramatic hug like one in a movie. But the emotion was all real.

Their bodies were both sticky and smelly but Dan didn’t mind and Phil didn’t even seem to notice. Too tired to grip tightly for too long, they both eventually just let their bodies melt into each other. Dan hid his face by Phil’s collarbone and watched it move with each deep breath Phil took. He felt lips kissing his head and he responded by gently kissing Phil’s chest. Dan wondered if that was the last time they would ever have sex and kissed Phil once more but let his lips linger. His fingers brushed across Phil’s back to make sure he wasn’t dreaming; he closed his eyes and wished that he could have this be real forever.

But he couldn’t.

“Be honest,” Dan began, “Will you miss this?”

He saw Phil’s collarbones retreat like the ocean before a tidal wave as he inhaled deeply.

“Yes.”

Dan exhaled deeply; at least he wasn’t alone in this feeling.

“But it’s not like we’re moving. We’ll still be with each other every day,” Phil continued.

“But having sex with me,” Dan clarified.

“Sex?”

Dan nodded and shifted his body up so he could make eye contact with Phil.

“Truthfully,” he said, looking into Phil’s eyes. He had to make himself let go of the ecstasy the emotional sex had given him. One moment couldn’t save a relationship. He just needed Phil’s help in convincing himself of that.

“I don’t know, I mean honestly um… you come too quickly and you’re very loud in bed and you can’t deepthroat too well..”

Dan laughed at the last one, remember the early months of their sex life when he was trying to learn how to deepthroat without much success.

“But I’ll miss you,” Phil continued, “I’ve never really enjoyed sex as much as I do now before you. All in all, you’re a good sexual partner.”

Dan felt his face go warm with the compliment. Phil hadn’t really ever complimented his sexual performance when he wasn’t already horny.

“Your turn,” prompted Phil. Dan smiled then cuddled into him more as he thought about his answer.

“Mmm, well you take forever to come and you always act weird when you want sex and your orgasm face is funny sometimes…”

It was Phil’s turn to laugh.

“But I’ll miss that. I honestly will,” Dan finished.

Phil pulled his body into Dan’s and ran his hand from Dan’s butt to his shoulders. Dan let his body move into the lovely touch. But what wasn’t so lovely was the remaining stickiness.

“We need a shower,” Dan commented.

Phil sniffed the space between his and Dan’s body.

“But that means we have to move,” he whined. Though he did make a compelling argument, Dan didn’t like lying in his own bodily fluids. Rolling his eyes, he smiled and began to get up.

“Cmon, Phil. You know we can’t lie here forever.”

A very brief moment before he heard the blankets shift behind him as Phil got up. Dan walked over to the little dancing flames and blew them out one by one.

“Should we bother putting our clothes back on?” Phil asked as he picked up their discarded clothes from various spots on the floor. Dan shook his head no and Phil put them all in the hamper and got himself and Dan pjs.

Dan waited till Phil entered the bathroom to start the shower and wait for the water to warm. He then realized that they couldn’t sexily undress as they were already naked, and he just swayed his body to a nonexistent song and Phil joined in and they both began to laugh.

“Is it ready?” Phil asked.

Dan stuck his hand under the spray of water which had warmed up quite a bit and he nodded. He stepped in and slowly moved his body underneath the lovely heat of the water. Phil got in behind him and they switched places so Phil could get used to the water as well.

“Hey, Dan, do you trust me?”

Dan turned to face Phil, who had a mischievous smile on his face. Despite his previous knowledge of Phil Lester and his tricks, he found himself nodding.

Without warning, Phil swung one arm around Dan’s back and dipped him into a kiss.

Once back up to safety, Dan started freaking out.

“Oh my god, you could’ve killed me!”

“But I didn’t!”

Dan couldn’t seem to stay mad at Phil for more than a second anymore and found himself smiling back. He tried to think of something cute to comment at Phil, but in all honesty, he thought their loving glances and grins surpassed any spoken sentence he could’ve said.

Their shower consisted of them washing each other’s sore sweaty bodies with everyday conversation. Nothing special, just the groceries and taxes and such, but it still had a happy feeling to it. When they were done they patted each other dry and put on their pjs Phil had laid out for them. It was hard to believe that twenty-four hours ago they were sulking around and hardly talking to each other. It was hard to believe that in twenty-four hours all of this would all be over.

The decision to eat in had hardly any discussion required. They weren’t in any mood to go into public, get dressed, make reservations of Valentine’s Day night, and risk running into any fans. Phil offered to make them spaghetti, and Dan had no intention of disagreement, as Phil was, for the most part, the better cook between them. While Phil was cooking, Dan decided to turn their apartment into some crazy movie set made for romance. He found a really thin blanket they could use in lieu of a tablecloth, moved the candles they had used during sex to surround the table and found a playlist of romantic piano music which featured some songs from Final Fantasy. Though it wasn’t perfect, he was fairly proud of his setup.

It turned out, however, that Phil wasn’t the best at making spaghetti, and he had to call Dan into the kitchen to help him. Luckily they were able to save the spaghetti before it was completely destroyed.

Dan finished setting the table and pouring wine for them while Phil dished out spaghetti and garlic bread.

“I haven’t had a meal like this at home in so long I feel the urge to pray,” Dan commented.

“We can if you want, I’ve only prayed at Christmas dinners but I could try.”

Dan smirked, but with a softness in his eyes.

“How about a toast instead?” he raised his glass to eye level.

Phil raised his in a similar manner

“What to?”

“To us.”

Phil smiled, keeping eyes contact and reached his glass out for Dan’s to meet. The strong click rang through the room as clear as a bell.

“To us.”

They took a good sip without letting their eyes stray from each other.

The spaghetti was good- not wonderful. The sauce was a bit runny and the meatballs a bit large. Dan could feel Gordon Ramsey practically wetting himself with excitement at the thought of roasting this dish to ashes. But Dan liked it, not just because he and Phil had worked hard to make it, but because it was genuinely fine (though he admitted wouldn’t have finished it if Phil hadn’t made it.)

In the beginning, dinner was rather quiet. Their eyes were flickering up and down like the flames of the candles surrounding them. Enamored that they were actually having a proper candlelight dinner with each other, they just couldn’t seem to stop looking for long.

Once Dan looked up to find Phil staring at him with a huge smirk on his face like he was staring at a thick steak. Butterflies crashed through Dan’s stomach and an uncontrolled giggle surfaced.

“What?”

“What?” Phil echoed.

Another giggle surfaced without intent. Dan put his hand to his mouth to hide his blush, but kept his eye contact with Phil, interested in what would happen. He found himself swimming into Phil’s alluring eyes and deep into all the memories he had made watching them. They were all around him, from the videos he would watch on his dinosaur computer to the four and a half hour skype calls to the first day when they went on the Eye… so many of them- too many, soon all to be shoved to the back of their minds…

Dan broke eye contact.

“I won,” Phil declared with a smile.

Dan smiled back and took a sip of wine. He took a moment to savor the flavor and swallow it then take a deep breath once it went down.

He wanted to say something; anything really.

“Why does it represent love?”

Phil raised his eyebrows and set his own glass down.

“Hmm?”

“Spaghetti,” Dan gestured to the plate in front of them.

“Probably Lady and Tramp,” Phil replied, saying ‘probably’ very slowly.

Dan’s mind immediately goes to the two cartoon dogs eating a long string of spaghetti and ending up kissing. He chuckles a bit at the thought.

“Can we do that?” Dan asks.

“What?” Phil questions with a giggle, “The- noodle thing?”

Dan tries to nod without laughing.

“Okay!”

Phil smiled as he dug a longer noodle out of his plate and set it on top of his spaghetti pile so it was easier to grab. Dan was hiding a smile behind his hand through all of this. Phil winked at him and slid his plate so it was evenly between them and he both lowered their faces and began to suck the noodle. They got closer and closer and ended up having to both stand up and lean over the table to reach. But just as their lips were inches apart, the noodle fell out of Phil’s mouth as he giggled.

“Phillllll!” Dan exclaimed. Phil quieted him by closing the distance and pulling him into a kiss. But Dan wasn’t going to have any of that.

“That doesn’t count!” he whined.

“Yes, it does!” Phil argued.

“Nope. I’m not taking any of that. We’re trying again.”

Phil groaned dramatically but got out another noodle as Dan grinned at him.

-

“What’s going to happen tomorrow?”  

It had taken the whole day for Dan to finally ask the question. He and Phil were cuddled up once again on their couch, passing both the wine bottle and the Malteaser box back and forth as they watched the Manchester lights flicker outside their window.

When Phil didn’t respond, Dan looked up at his face to find it very solemn.

“I don’t know,” Phil eventually replied.

Dan exhaled and turned his eyes back to watching the night sky. He didn’t know what answer he had been expecting if any real answer. He supposed that they would have to answer the question for themselves, as any other way would just turn out in disaster. Would things go back to the way they had been just without the romance? Would it be awkward? Would they want to move apart? Would Phil walk in with a new partner within a week?

Dan gently took the wine bottle out of Phil’s hand and took a long sip. Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, which to Dan’s annoyance, was rather curly after the shower.

“I’ll always be your friend, Dan. Always your best friend,” Phil said softly.

“But what if we end up hating each other and moving out?” Dan asked.

Phil kissed Dan’s head, which calmed him down slightly.

“We won’t. There’s more to our relationship than romance, and we’ll still love each other without it.”

Dan sat in silence and pondered what Phil had said. It made enough sense.

Phil took the wine bottle from Dan’s hand and took a sip. Why did everything tonight have to seem so perfect?

“Can I kiss you?” Phil asked.

“Of course,” Dan replied.

Phil pulled him into a kiss- it must’ve been their fiftieth one today. He tasted of their wine and Malteasers, but it wasn’t the good taste that made Dan never want to pull away. The heaviness in his heart he had felt before, but never before had it seemed this much to bear. His chest was aching for Phil to stay with him, to never leave.

But he couldn’t.

And they pulled away.

Dan sighed and turned his attention once again to the city where their romance had blossomed, flowered and wilted. He couldn’t believe after what felt like most of his life, this was it. His hidden crush from the age of fifteen, magically turned into a fairytale, now folding in on itself after so much of his life spent with it. Though despite the end of the romance, Dan knew that couldn’t take away his crush. It had dug itself so deep into his brain it had made a forever home there. He may have use for it someday again, someday beyond his knowledge when he and Phil decided they were finally ready to push the resume button on their romance, but for now, it would linger in his head and wait.

It was 11:42 pm when they finally decided to go to bed. They wanted to fall asleep before midnight struck. They both went to the bathroom together to do their nightly routine. Phil took his contacts out and balanced the container on the faucet while Dan went pee. Dan washed his hands then brushed his teeth with Phil. Dan left the bathroom first and went to his side of the bed and plugged his phone down, then sat down and watched Phil do the same.

This is was it.

They simultaneously slid their bodies under the covers. The sheets still smelled a bit from their previous activities, but Dan didn’t want to comment on it. He secretly inhaled the smell and tried to commit the scent of their romance to his memory. He turned on his side to face away from Phil so that Phil could pull him into a spoon. Phil’s body molded into his and he held them together closely. As sleep slowly started to take Dan away, his heart got heavy with the knowledge that the time they had left was down to the minutes. He couldn’t get any closer, so he just lied there and let the emotions play with him.

“I love you, Phil.”

The words were a hardly audible whisper, but they hadn’t required anymore volume to carry out their purpose.

“I love you, Dan.”

The reply was even quieter, but it gave some rest to Dan’s sinking heart.

As their consciousness slowly escaped them, they thought of each other and the role the would play in the unknown of tomorrow. But in the final moments of the night, all of their individual worries faded under the comfort of the other’s presence, which provided them comfort to slip into their final night of sleep with each other.

 

 

 


End file.
